*I’m not including links or anything. It’s tedious on my phone and I’m tired. Everything in regard to Grump has been fully documented everywhere.*
So, how many of you had to work today? I certainly did. Thankfully, not talking to people, but I can’t imagine the poor souls in retail having to smile at every moron Karen in a red hat while their soul slips out of their body
Every hour I hoped upon hope that my phone would alert me to good news. Maybe the Democrats manned up and took a stand! Maybe a giant ball of frozen piss landed on Grump and Couch Fucker, and we could just have a new election. Fresh candidates, a real primary, and maybe some relief from this godawful fucking nightmare world. A notification popped up on my screen. “The election was certified uneventfully!” it read. I could feel it.
That all-encompassing rage. And yet, my group chat pinged and pinged with… work bullshit. “Do XYZ please! And then go over your notes!”
I want to fucking scream. I want to throw my fucking computer out the fucking window, email my HR, tell them I fucking quit, And go light that stupid American Flag/Trump 2024 combo on fire. I pop one of the anti-anxiety pills I have. A small dose, nothing “fun”or narcotic. And very very low dose. I asked for them because this rage could interfere with my life if I decide to one day do exactly what I just described. This dulls it, just enough for the ritual to give me pause.
So I breathe, and try to calm myself before I tell my one sup “fuck off, this is not the fucking day, Susan.”
I’m Ok. Just kidding, I’m not. And I’m tired of pretending I am.
If you’ve read any of the notes I’ve written, or the posts I’ve made in my newsletter, you know my employer. If you somehow stumbled upon this piece, I’ll tell you. I work for Aetna. It’s awful, but even moreso after they fucked me over for a prescription I needed. So, I’m working for an employer who pays me jack shit, certainly not enough to afford the medication they “approved” just in time for it to be subject to the 2K deductible. By the way, this is the lowest deductible they offer to their low-level employees who make less than 40K a year. They would happily deny me lifesaving treatment, then post the vacancy the next fucking day.
Now, add to that seeing the Democrats take the “High Road” yet again.
Not a single peep about the fact that they handed our country to a fucking lying, corrupt, stupid, senile, diaper-wearing, incontinent, impotent, racist, rapist.
Hallelujah! Holy Shit! Where’s the Tylenol?
And yet, because I’m a poor American beholden to my corporate overlords, I can’t say “I’m not feeling great. I’m actually really fucking disgusted, and I’m sick of doing this bullshit. I need to take a few days.” Except in corporate-speak.
Because I’ll be penalized. I have a finite amount of PTO, and 0 sick time. Because my company gives no fucks, and I want to take a longer vacation in my happy place in the Northern New England area, so I need to choose between working sick or mentally unwell, or being able to stay some place I love just a little longer. If I take a leave of absence, my family is down to one income, and we can’t keep our home if I do. Because of course, they won’t pay me if I’m not “productive”.
There was no acknowledgement from anyone. We all just… worked. And I fucking almost lost my mind. And I get it, too. I’m not the only one in dire fucking straights. But here’s the thing:
I’m so fucking TIRED. I’m fucking tired of soldiering on because I have a fucking gun to my head. I’m fucking tired of “TPS Reports” and nitpicky bullshit and office politics. I’m tired of being expected to be “productive” all of the fucking time, even when it feels like the end of the fucking world, or the end of our fucking country. I’m fucking tired of logging into my fucking computer every fucking day to happy little corporate propaganda about how we’re “trying to make care more accessible” when I know from EXPERIENCE it’s a fucking lie. It‘s not even accessible to employees.
I’m sick of “Strategic Incentive” and “Synergy” and all of that buzzword bullshit that is utterly meaningless.
I just want to know, how long will I be forced to keep this charade? When will I be allowed to actually disengage myself from this shit? Or when someone, who can actually do something about it, mind you, stands up and says “This is not Ok, take time, and then help me pick up the pieces.”
I cannot be the only one feeling this way. We’re two weeks out and it’s one fucking scandal after another. And yet, Dems pat themselves on the back for “Taking the High Road”. Got news for them. It didn’t work before, and it won’t work now. Trying to be civil in an uncivil world, and trying to follow the rule of law when you know for a fact that your opponent does not is a fool’s errand. Instead of taking this opportunity to show us, US, those they swore to serve, they rolled over like a fucking pig in shit and are letting us fend for ourselves.
They are impotent cowards who talk a big game, but won’t do shit when their skin is on the line. And for those of you who disagree with me blaming the democrats, fuck off.
They are just as guilty as the republicans. They sat with their thumbs up their asses for 4 fucking YEARS. They actively sabotaged any primary, and THEN, at the 11th hour, forced him out and replaced him. I’m not saying anything about Kamala’s policies or whatever, because she was thrust into the candidacy with what, less than 200 days til the election? I’m surprised she did as well as she did. If they would have listened to their base instead of playing bullshit games, we wouldn’t be here. Or, I don’t know, if they prosecuted that orange shitbag in 2021, instead of sucking off the right-wing cultists.
I am just lost. I’m tired. I want to wake up tomorrow and check my phone and see that it’s 2016 and we are certifying the election of Bernie Sanders. Or fuck, President Comacho. Fucking anyone but that melting wax sculpture with a daddy-daughter kink.
But that won’t happen. It’s a lovely dream, and then waking up to this bizzaro nightmare reality. So I will take my frustration out on this page and steel myself for another meaningly day in our boring dystopia. Frankly, I don’t know what else to do.
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