I’m pretty fucked up right now. I keep hearing the late at night trash guys. Beep. Beep. Beep. I’m still at that shitty job, unfortunately, and I will never really forgive myself for missing your set that day. I’m horrible at keeping in touch, but you were always so sweet about it.
Remember what you said that night? When I proposed? You would be so glad I was finally able to articulate it. You told me you wanted that in your life. That “thing” we had. “God Damn Ana. I almost cried. I want that.” I heard mixed things about your girlfriend. I hope what I heard was wrong.
I’m so glad that, whenever I was a dumb, drunk cunt, You would answer the phone, no matter what time it was, and no matter how long it had been.
Thank you for playing those songs for me. We wanted you to be there for our vow renewal so badly, since Covid made you miss the wedding.
I miss you so fucking much. They do, too. I wish I could call you again and hear your voice. I wish they got to see your set.
I remember the first thing you ever said to me. I was with X, 2nd time there. I had long, blue hair. I’m short. You were tall.
You say I was kinda overwhelmed. You said, “Heyyyyyy Buddy, wanna join a cult?”
I laughed. You gasped. “Oh shiiiit. It worked?” You looked at your friend. I gave him a look. He was kinda a dick at the mall I was a rat in. Funny, later we were friends-ish.
But we didn’t remember til a little after that.
You grinned. You took a marker and said, “Welcome to the family” and “carved” a symbol on me. “You get to light things on fire very well now.”
I tipped my hat. There was another guy there, eyebrow raised, cigarette dangling between his lips. You grinned at the other friend, one who would stab us both in the back, “Hey, shorty, come find me later. I have things I meed to go over with you.”
I swear you and the cowboy had a quick moment. Later, you told me,”Yeah… I fucking knew it. You two are perfect.” You always had good instincts. The year after we married, you invited is to your wedding. Didn’t last, and I wish I had more pictures of us. Or you and them. I only knew you for like 10 years. They knew you for close to 20. My tattoo is almost done, I think. Not that I have the money yet. I wanted to introduce you two. Even though you introduced me to this place, we never got to go together, all of us, like we were supposed to.
I guess this is some stream of consciousness shit I’m vomiting up, because I miss you. Pups was gone a few weeks later. I hope they found you. They would make a good hell hound, despite the goofy teefs. You would be his bestest friend ever.
They miss you too, by the way. They were glad they got to see you one last time.Though I think part of them is glad you haven’t seen how everything has been. I think you would be so proud of my writing. I think you would be so happy to see me get better than what I was. I really think you would fund me snitching on my job hilarious.
Anyway, I have the shithole tomorrow and it’s late. I haven’t slept in a while, though it’s hard right now. I wish we could call you again. Say hi to the teef monster for me.